Doubt

At the beginning  of this year, I set several goals for myself. 

One of top priority  was "getting right with God"

Not that I was ever in bad with Him, but I wanted to knowingly work harder in growing closer to Him & living for Him.

I committed  to God that even through the bad seasons, I would still work on growing closer & sharing his love. I made that commitment  before these past 2 weeks happened.

While I screamed out to Him in my car last week that I needed him and couldn't deal with more myself, then came home that very day, literally  5 minutes later to more bad news I was crushed.

Life is hard, and we get attacked the most when we are trying the hardest to have faith.

I did question things, I did get emotional  about things, but I refused to let it interrupt.  I still continued on with my short daily scripture readings & still cried out in prayer - very much crying thru the entirety. 

My heart has been torn apart. Physically  I am dealing with the most pain I have ever felt. Mentally I am carrying loads of weight that shouldn't  be.

We live in a broken world & if I had never stuck it out, kept with my faith even when I was questioning,  I wouldn't  have found what I just did this morning.

I am normal. It's not weird or wrong or whatever that I had my doubts these past 2 weeks.

Since I had about  an hour of time alone before my next doctor  appointment,  I decided to dive into the bible. I randomly opened it, read a little, turned some pages & read some more.

I read a story on healing that Jesus did & it made my heart ache that he isn't here on Earth to heal us now. But it made me turn to the glossary  in the back of my bible & while flipping  pages there,  not even sure of what I was searching for, I found an amazing print that sparks hope.

Very well known people in our God's word have had doubts as well. They were never 100% perfect in their confidence of faith. And God used them for amazing things. Commandments....Apostles...Baptisms!!

It's ok to have questions, as long as you take them to God & let him share his answers with you.

It's normal to have questions,  we on Earth are not capable of seeing the big picture of His plan.

But He will use those who stick with Him through the times they don't understand. And He will use them in great ways.

It definitely  motivates me to keep in the Word, in prayer, in fellowship with my strong Christian  friends.