Someone told me two Sundays ago (in paraphrasing because I don't remember their exact comment) that I was portraying the attitude that I don't like to be at home with my kids & I am always looking forward to that next break I get from them.
When they said it, my heart sank. I seriously had to do all I could to keep composure (while I really wanted to drop to the floor & start bawling). They did not say it maliciously and they only see us for a couple of hours, on Sundays, at church, in classes we are currently taking. (Classes in which the kids are often topic of discussion.)
My kids are my life line. I would do anything for them to help them achieve their goals. They are what gets me out of bed most days. They are absolutely 5 of the most amazingly smart, well behaved, respectful children you could ever encounter (2 year old tantrums don't count in that behavior comment. lol)
I pushed what was said to me to the back of my mind, and smiled my way thru the next class. My 8 year old started asking questions in the car on the way home, and I got the chance to witness to him & he asked to take the steps to become baptized. When he made that decision, riding in the car with us, that earlier made comment crept its way back up to my thoughts. How could anyone imply that I don't put my kids as my everything?!
When we got home & everyone settled down, I was able to pull out the study bible & read some verses over. It wasn't the parenting verses that caught my attention, but it was James 1:19
James 1:19
New International Version (NIV)
Listening and Doing
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry
And then I realized, the past few weeks Monster has been tantruming & whiney. CoCo has been the same & fighting for my attention when Monster has it. The bigger kids have been reacting to my reactions and grouchy as all get out.
I was doing quite the opposite of what these verses command of us. I was holding too high of expectations for the littles, simply because I knew they were capable of doing more things, and becoming aggravated easily when their agenda became being a normal kid, instead of letting me clean house. And the cycle boiled over into time with the big kids as well.
I didn't like that someone we look up to had made that comment on that Sunday at church & I realized my kids were getting that same perception of my attitude as well.
Over the last week and a half, I have made it a priority to back things up, to remember what ages my children are & to allow them to be those ages. I have held my littles more (they get held a lot anyways, lol, but definitely more now), I have been on the floor active in their singing of silly songs, and playing alongside them with toys they normally do independently. We have watched movies while cuddling on the couch. They have just gotten the chance to enjoy being toddlers again.
And with the big kids, I have given them some more freedom with their responsibilities, I have been playing their board games with them instead of convincing them to do it together while I do dishes. They are getting to speak up more & their opinions are taken into considerations & most importantly, I am going out of my way to give them each their own time with me, doing what they want to.
Last night, for the first time in a few months, I was able to text D-man at bedtime & say how amazing our kids are. They were so well behaved, did their homework, played together & spent time with me. Dinner was easy (and my 8 year old cooked it mostly himself!) and we were able to enjoy a dessert. Bedtime wasn't a struggle. Even the littles went straight to sleep.
My focus on an attitude change has positively affected all of the kids.
I encourage all of my friends, who are ever struggling with the munchkins to take a step back & make sure we aren't putting our agenda before theirs :-)
P.S. I was SURE that giving the kids the extra attention/time that was normally spent on housework would make my house suffer & my homework not get done. But in an odd way, both have still gotten accomplished, and the house is actually even better than before!!
Thanks Danielle - I needed this reminder. With moving, school, work, and the weather - I've been rushing too much and being too snappy with Dylan. An extra 5 min of cuddle time pre bed won't cause my work to not get done, especially if it prevents the inevitable crying/up and down/potty breaks at bedtime.
ReplyDeleteI need to remember that although he's super smart and articulate...he's only 3.5! Really, he's still a baby in a lot of ways and I need to enjoy those snuggles while he still wants to give them.