Anger.

Yesterday Car let the dogs out in the morning. Same as he does every week, on his assigned days. But yesterday, the baby jumped (well, climbed because she thinks she is a monkey) the fence & while opening the gate to let her back in, the big pooch got out as well & both ran off.

D-man went out in his truck to search. I got kids dressed & loaded up my car to go look as well. This is not a good way to start a school morning, especially when I had planned on not having to get off the couch (surgery issue recovery) and that D-man would take kiddos to school.

I wasn't so much upset, as it's not the first time they've run off, it's a small town, both are microchipped, and we could easily get them back usually within 20 min of take off.

Naynen on the other hand was angry with his brother for losing their dogs. I had to intercede as I overhead Naynen getting onto CarCar about it. I asked Naynen why he would talk to his brother that way, he said he was angry, I reminded him that we should be careful with our words & control our anger as Christians. He quickly calmed down & moved on with it. Dogs were found & brought home. All was good.

Except, I shouldn't have given Naynen the lecture. I am so full of anger at the moment, myself. I should have commiserated with him & let him know it's natural and we should have prayed about it together.

I didn't realize how angry I have been lately but really I am and I need to face the situations and then move on. I am struggling tho. I feel like the same sources continue to bring about these horrible feelings and I want to cut them out of my life. But how do you do that when they are "family" who live so near by that you are going to run into them often.

[I just edited out what I'm holding on to anger about because apparently, my feelings & the convictions of those feelings only matter if they don't step on the person's toes who brought them on. I purposely didn't use names and I haven't spoken of these situations before.]
[Edited again to say I realize it doesn't really matter that I list them because God already knows, but it's easier to pray for the situation in specifics than it is in generalized terms]

I am angry that people who don't care about consequences to their actions get what those of us who try to be responsible long for.....This just feels like some sick form of punishment.

I know it's not right to be angry about it. I know I need to forgive & move on. I am sick of the cycle. I want to continue on without those influences around to feed the negative into me.

I suppose tonight is a good night to study anger in our family bible reading time, isn't it?

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day, without the crappy feelings.