Looking Back. And Forward.

I've tried a few times to start a post about this, but it's ended up long and thru my tears I haven't been able to make sense of my own typing, so be patient with me as I just suck it up & write it out today.

Two years ago to this week, my best friend flew into the midwest, her two young children in tow. She left the sunny, warm beaches of California to be in cold, rainy southern Illinois. She is the bestest ever. EVER. And she may possibly be a tad bit insane to have been here.

I'm glad she was here. She kept me from falling apart & running away on one of the most important days of my life.

April 30th will be the second anniversary of my marriage to the most patient, loving, respectable, caring, kind man I have ever been blessed to meet.

Truth is, reflecting on these last two years, I don't deserve him. He has been so incredible to myself, and to my older children.....(they told me the other day that I was never allowed to divorce him because they always want him as their step-dad).

He has had more faith in me than I have for myself. He has believed in us much more than I had the strength to. If it weren't for him, I don't know where I would be.

We have experienced such a roller coaster of happenings the last two years, but I am ready for more, as long as he is by my side. And my promise to him is to be the wife that God intended for him to have, from here thru to the end of our lives.  <3

To have more babies??

I was wrong.....

That is a hard statement for me to say! Wow. But I've a strong urge to right this wrong. Lucky for all of y'all reading today, right? ;-)

I have a large family. 5 children of my own, with the hopes of future more (foster care, adoption, whatever, we'll cross that bridge when we get there!). I am amidst a research paper project where I am arguing all the glorious reasons that couples should consider more children.

I love lots of kids, in one family. And I love and respect that large families simply don't work/aren't a conviction for everyone OR that at some point one side of a couple feels they need to stop reproducing.

The other day as I was amongst a small gathering of Christian parents, us mothers came upon the topic of having more kids. Vasectomies were discussed. A mostly permanent end to having more biological children. A choice many men bring up when they feel they have had enough.

Looking back on the conversation, I find it almost comical that all of us women made comments about the men wanting to have the Vasectomy done, and the wife stating she wasn't ready & telling him it wasn't an option.

This is where I messed up. I said "Yes, be sure you are done, don't allow anything permanent to be done until you have made that choice. Reversals are expensive and not a guarantee."

WRONG ANSWER.

That was not leading my fellow sisters in a biblical fashion. Not at all, and I apologize for lacking judgement there.

What I should have said was that we as wives, need to lean on our husbands for leadership of our family. We need to trust their choices and submit to that trust, to that choice. Be prayerful and ask God that our husband's hearts are in the right place in this choice. Be faithful that God knows what he is doing for our family and most importantly faithful that God gave us a husband that is capable of leading us appropriately.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.     Ephesians 5:22-23

That is most definitely the go-to verse for those who choose to engage in large family life. But let's look at the other side of it.

These are verses I have been studying the last few months, and I believe they are one of the strongest commands we as women have been given straight from God. We, as Christian wives, should not be focused on controlling the # of babies we have based on our wants, we should be discussing it with our husbands. We should be allowing them to take the responsibility of being our head and submitting silently to them. And beyond that, we should be encouraging our fellow sisters of Christ to do the same.